Danika Hubbard
Honors English 10
4/29/11
Teen Pregnancy
I. What I know
Since I was a little girl, my biggest dreams were to one day have a family of my own, get married on a big ship in the middle of the ocean, have my dream job, car and husband, and have all the money in the world to spend. Well, the biggest part of that dream is the family part. That means so much to me to have a child that looks just like me and have my eyes and my personality. It warms my heart when I think of holding my first child in my arms. I am more than excited for that day to happen but right now, I just want to be a teenager and live my crazy life while I still can.
Of course my life isn’t all fun and jolly but I have to be grateful for it anyway because it could be much harder for me if I had to deal with it with a child. I’ve met many amazing girls in my short teenaged life that have had children or were pregnant with one. I’ve always felt bad for them even though they may seem like the happiest girl alive. I wonder how they feel at school walking around with a huge stomach and what their reactions are to people who make fun of them. I also have to wonder about the rumors. What do people say behind these girls’ backs? The girls I met recently just at my old school in Phoenix, are some of the toughest, brightest girls and it makes me wonder how they could’ve gotten into having the burden of having a child?
We all know how babies are made and there is no way to stop humans from partaking in it; it’s our nature. But I am still curious as to how it happened, their stories and how they dealt with the hardest part: telling their parents. I could never stop myself from thinking that every time I have sex in my future, that I have the chance of becoming another teen mom. I am so curious about this topic and how they deal with it all.
People will probably say, “Well she knew how a baby was made and she knew that she had the chance of getting pregnant if she had sex,” but I’m saying that I want to go past the stereotypical nature of humans and find out the true facts from the ladies up front. It’s not always their fault and I believe that they each are entitled to the decisions they make. My goal is to find out what it’s like to be a teen mom and how peer assumptions affect them.
II. What I want to find out
I chose to study teen moms for my topic because every time I come across a teen mom I find myself in a sense of wonder and curiosity and instead of shaking my head putting them down like most judgmental people do, I want to know how they feel about the situation they are faced with. What if I was a teen mom? I would definitely not want everyone I look at to shake their heads at me and make me seem as just another statistic. I would want to be heard and let people know the truth of my situation. That is what I want to do for these ladies.
I have three main questions I want to have asked during my research and the first is: how did it happen? I don’t want all the details as far as intercourse but more of what the situation was, how it led up to that, etc. My second question is how did she deal with the news that she was pregnant? What was she feeling? What were her first thoughts? And my third question is, how did she manage to tell her parents and what did they say? Do they support her? What’s her story?
For my research I want to get s few different views. One from a teenage girl who is not pregnant and I want to ask her what she thinks of girls who are and what she would do if she was? I also want to get an interview with a teen mom and find out how she feels. What is it like now for her? What is it like to have a child? Another interview I want to do is of a mother who was a teen mom but is older now. I want to know what it was like for her growing up with the child and having to be an adult while still so young. And at last I want two interviews from a man’s point of view: one who is a teen father and one who is not. I want their opinions on how they see teen moms and for the teen father, what he’s doing to help and why he chose to stay by her side.
I am so curious now about this topic and I want to know the facts. I want to know what it will be like twenty years from now and what they see their future as now that they have a special gift from God to accompany them.
III. The Search
Book
Evelyn Lerman’s book Teen Moms: The Pain and the Promise was published in 1997 by Morning Glory Press. I found this book amongst many on amazon.com and the section that I have received information from was on pages 20-24 of the first chapter.
First of all I chose this book because when I was going through the different books on amazon, this one had many of the questions that I had about teen moms and it highlighted many of the points I am hoping to get across in my essay and in the interviews. Surprisingly, many of the girls that were interviewed in Lerman’s book had the same problems many of the girls I’ve met have and that really intrigued me because it’s happening to girls all over who have children and it is so upsetting because most of these girls are good people. Girls are often put down and discouraged that has children, and most people don’t even respect them anymore once they have had a child.
In the book, Evelyn interviewed a few different girls about the issue and this is what they said: “Everybody trashes teenage mothers!” ”They say we’re irresponsible.” “They say we have babies only for the welfare and food stamps.” “That we’re school dropouts, lazy and no goods.” (Page 20) Lerman explains that the girls are constantly told that they are worthless because they are young and unmarried. Women who are pregnant and are still young are disrespected by men of all ages. One girl recalls being catcalled at disrespectfully when leaving school; she said that a man standing across the street called her a whore and yelled out to her “Got any of that for me?” (page 23). It is unacceptable the way these girls are treated and how they are talked about even by people who they thought were their friends.
The biggest part of the story that intrigued me was that the ladies were fighting back against the stereotypes by staying in school and getting jobs even when people didn’t think they were worth anything. They inspired me especially when one girl stated “We’re not whores and we’re not dropouts. We’re still going to school and getting an education so we can support our kids.” (Page 24) I admire them for that and it further shows you that not all girls have babies for the money; it shows that yes, they do have morals and just because they have kids doesn’t mean they can’t still be somebody. Just because that is what their mother did when she was younger doesn’t always mean that that is the path that the daughter will follow and that’s what these ladies were proving here. They are getting there selves together and making money regardless of what people thought of them. I respectfully accept the arguments that these girls put forth especially with one girl who stated, “If God didn’t want me to have it (the baby), I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. Age isn’t what makes you a good mother, its maturity. And we’re maturing fast. You have to when you’re a mother. There isn’t time to be a kid anymore.” (Page 24)
Article
The article I found is titled Stories of Teen Mothers: Fiction and Nonfiction written my Cynthia Miller based on a study she did on a group of teenaged girls. The article is mainly about stories that were written about teen parenting and how much of it is true. She also wanted to know how these stories affected these girls and how much of it made them feel like it was them the story was talking about.
She talked about how in books, the novel doesn’t accurately picture what the true life of being a teen mom was and that is what bothers Miller. She quotes, “most of the YA novels I have read, for this article and for “Strong Portraits and Stereotypes,” seem to me to be overly positive about the lives teen mothers lead. I think these novels tend to be overly simplistic about the causes of teen pregnancy as well.” (Miller para. 5)
I believe that the arguments that are posed in this article focus mainly on how true the real world is for teen mothers and how fake novels make it seem. Overall, the satisfaction of the article was that Miller wanted justice for these ladies and wanted the world to know how hard it really is for a teenaged mother. She doesn’t like how novels make it seem so easy to be a teen mom and she is arguing against it. I believe that being a teen mom based on my studies isn’t in fact that easy at all so I’m on her side as far as that. But I think from a writer’s point of view it doesn’t really matter. A story is a story and it doesn’t make any difference how true it is. The truth is that it is not easy to be a teen mom as it isn’t easy to be an older mom. That’s what matters and that’s what is over-argued in this article.
Interview
For my first interview I got permission to call Mirabella, the 16 year old mother of her daughter Deana who is in my mother’s care. When I first met Mirabella, I had no idea she was a teen mom. She was very mature and well-spoken and still obtaining an education. She has visits with Deana every weekend, Friday morning to Monday Morning. She takes Deana to doctor’s appointments, with her to the store, to the daycare and back home with her each time. She bathes and dresses her every day and night that they are together and even calls to talk to her on the phone when Deana comes home. It is an inspiring relationship between the two ladies and even when Deana misses her mom, she would sit and cry softly “Mama?” with her blanket close to her that her mother gave her. It is amazing to see that Mirabella along with thousands of other girls here in the U.S. are doing and well as she is and probably better than most mothers are doing today that are older. She is really working hard to stay in school and provide for her daughter just like an older mom would. I called her on May 5, 2011 to do the interview. Mirabella was just finishing dinner.
Danika: Hey Mirabella how are you doing?
Mirabella: I’m doing okay. How’s Deana?
D: She’s actually asleep but she is doing very well. Just today she was dancing again and making us all laugh when she would wrap herself up in the blanket you gave her and dance. She’s absolutely adorable. We all love her so much.
M: Well that’s good. And that makes me feel good that she is so happy.
D: She really is. So I don’t want to keep you long but I just wanted to ask you a few questions about your pregnancy with Deana and how it all went down. Is that okay?
M: Yea.
D: Okay great. So my first question is, how did you feel when you found out that you were pregnant?
M: Well I felt like any woman would feel when she finds out that she was pregnant. First I was like oh shit, now what am I going to do? But then I was a little excited because that would mean that I would have someone to talk to and who loved me just like I loved them. And she does, I’m not afraid to admit that Deana was the best thing that has happened to me.
D: Wow, so in the book I read it said that some girls come from a poor family or a single parented home that has become pregnant. Was that the same with you?
M: Actually yes and no. I lived with my mom but my dad would come and stay for like a few months at a time then he would be gone and it would be just my mother and I and no we didn’t always have a lot of money. I had to work while I was young with my mom making and selling tamales.
D: Wow that is really something. So did you ever feel like you and your mom didn’t get along very well? Or how did that go?
M: Well my mom and I were forced to get along though at times we really didn’t. Unfortunately one of those times was when I got upset and I went over to my boyfriend’s house and I got pregnant. I'm not saying that I regret that happening but it’s crazy to think that if my mom and I got along, I would have never had Deana.
D: You know, I never thought of that. And Deana is absolutely wonderful. So how did you feel when you had to go to school pregnant?
M: I was very embarrassed at first only because I never told anybody that I was pregnant but you know shit happens and not everybody has to know my business. But of course the friends that I had would talk about me behind my back and people would look at me differently, including teachers which is really hard to cope with because teachers always seem like the friend you can go to to talk about things like this and they were looking down on me just like everybody else. I mean, that just shows you who your real friends are. Some stuck around for a little while then they slowly dwindled off into the crowd that would judge me. They told me things like “wow Mirabella, I didn’t know you were like that,” and stupid things like that. I don’t know it was just stupid but I don’t care anymore. I have my best friend now.
D: How did your mom feel about your pregnancy?
M: Of course she was upset with me at first but she understood my feeling about having Deana and she respected that and stood with me the whole nine months. I’m really glad that we could get along with something like that because I believe that we became closer.
D: You’re speaking in the past tense. Does that mean that you and your mom don’t see each other anymore?
M: Not very often. Once I got pregnant I was put in this home with a few other girls and I am able to live independently of my mother and learn how to be a good mother myself.
D: Well that good. I’m glad it’s working out for you. Are you and your boyfriend still together?
M: No I dumped that guy because I found out that after we had sex that one night, he was cheating on me and honestly I didn’t even need that anymore. I don’t even think about boys anymore and I really don’t need some immature little boy to help me raise my child. That’s just how I feel. All my love is for Deana now. Who cares about boys now?
D: Well not many girls can say that unfortunately but its amazing to hear how strong and mature you are now about this whole situation.
M: Yea I mean you have to be. There is no other way to honestly be a good mom acting like a child. And Deana’s enough, I don’t need another child in my life right now that is too lazy to pay child support.
D: Well we all know that is true. If a good guy though walked into your life and he offered to help take care of your baby and you and he honestly loved you, would you consider taking him in?
M: Oh yea. If he honestly was though for sure I would. He’d have to be pretty mature at the same time and honest-to-god trustworthy because mama needs a break sometimes but im not just going to leave my little angel in the hands of just anybody.
D: Well that is all true and I respect you for that.
M: Why thank you.
D: Well thank you so much for that Mirabella and I will talk to you later.
M: Sure thing. Kiss Deana goodnight for me?
D: I will.
It was so easy to talk to Mirabella and what I found out made me so proud of her. She is an amazing mother and that reflect in Deana’s personality every day. Mirabella is very mature and she knows where she wants to go in life and she plans on taking Deana with her. Not every girl has a story like Mirabella’s that is that inspiring and heartwarming.
IV. What I learned
I really enjoyed researching this project because it brought me closer to who I am and where I may have come from. I wasn’t able to get all of the interviews I wanted and it may seem pretty biased but I am completely satisfied with the results of everything. If I wanted to go deeper into the issue I would but after hearing from Mirabella and reading into it, I’m pretty sure most of the girls who are pregnant will have the same story with different people and different situations. I learned that it is not always easy for these girls especially having to cope with it all with homework and a job and you have to respect them for their strength. These ladies are doing everything they can to be a good mother and they are doing a wonderful job regardless of what people say. Ignorance never got anybody anywhere and I’m pretty sure that ignorant men and women and teaches and friends that know girls that are pregnant don’t know anything as far as how it happened and what the girls are doing and how they are dealing with with it. I still cannot wait to have a child of my own and experience what these ladies are experiencing. Until then though, I’ll just stick with the homework for now.
Works Cited page/ Bibliography
Lerman, Evelyn. Teen Moms: The Pain and the Promise. 1st. Morning Glory Press, 1997. 20-24. Print.
Miller, Cynthia. "Stories of Teen Mothers: Fiction and Nonfiction." 35.3 (2008): n. pag. Web. 11 May 2011. <http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/ejournals/ALAN/v35n3/coffel.html>.
Orona, Mirabella. Interview. 05/05/2011. Print. 11 May 2011.
